13/1/2012

Back to blogging because I just realized how much I’ve lost track of my own life. Today’s such a blissful day, spent the whole day entertaining my headache, cleared some stuffs away, cleaned the room, decorated it a bit, and had some crappy foods, skipped lunch, replaying the same song, half revising half dreaming, counting time plus enjoyed a few quick naps. Life can be as simple as that, nothing too complicated. Next week is going to be the last week of this semester, 2 more papers to go and I’ll be packing back home. Next semester, it’s going to be really hectic but I’m anticipating the fun, it’d be great to feel alive again.

What more can I ask for? I have everything that I need in life, blessed with great people loving me, being granted loads of wishes and on top of everything; I have a dear heavenly father who’s always there when I feel lost. I want to stand with arms high and heart abandoned, praising Him for everything. He taught me to be strong and rejoice through storms and seasons, affirming me that His grace is always sufficient for me. The world told me that I need to excel in everything that I do, be it studies, accomplishments and even in relationships but God let me understand otherwise, telling me that Jenn, it’s ok to be imperfect, you’re my dear daughter and what human sees as great in their opinions are dust in my eyes, you’re wonderful and I did not breathe life to you merely asking you to be perfect, that’s human’s foolish standard. Instead, you’re made after my image, blessed with wisdom and love so that you can learn to love others, bring others to know me and live a life that I’ve planned for you, long before you were born. I watch you grow, I see your tears, I know the setbacks, I understand the decisions that you make and still, I chose not to interrupt because I want to give you the freedom to choose, to learn from what is good and bad. It’s ok to fall down because the moments when you regain your faith and stood up, you’ve learnt your lessons. I love you so much that my heart aches when you hurt yourself doing what is wrong but believe, I’ll always open up my arms embracing you whenever you turn around and ask me for shelter. A father will never leave His children and neither will I forsake you. God’s wisdom reigns above all and His love transcends through all. If there’s someone who ask me who do I believe in, I’d say it’s Jesus Christ who not only touches my heart through His word, but also someone who reaches out to the bottom of my soul, always knowing what I want and grant me that peace that no one can ever afford to offer me. Good Friday, it’s a day where we come to witness how great is His love for you and me.

Went to Fong Lye Taiwan Restaurant (The Gardens, right in front of Sushi Zanmai) for the first time today, food was pretty awesome and I had fun spending time with both Ten and Cherry. We shared a lot of our opinions, ate like nobody’s business and laughed all the while and honestly, it was such bliss to be able to have lunch with them, it’s been a while since I last spent time hanging around with my course mate apart of the trip to Pasar Malam couple of weeks ago. We spent our time catching up with the latest updates and sort of celebrated our last lecture for the semester. Time flies but certain things remain. Ten, I know you’ll come across this post soon or later, just want to tell you that hey, we’re here for you whenever you need us and please la wei, dig up ways to unleash your potentials and be nicer to your girlfriend okay. By the way, thanks for the treat J I’m going to Genting tomorrow, yay! =D

The mango yogurt rocks and the set plates are awesome :)

Us xD

Ivan's updating his blog, Ten's playing game, Iris's doing don't know what and weehee, I'm keying stuffs to update my dead blog and you know what's the coolest thing? We're doin this in the class, with Dr Toshiko's voices rhyming in the air :) The class just now was really boring, I hated myself for waking up early, I honestly shouldn't have done that. Just got the handout for phonetics class by the way, and I should be ashamed of myself cuz its already the last class for the semester and I'm slacking off like nobody's business. What exactly is Elision? Anyway, back to the topic...wait. what topic? LOLS

Allow me to break down my opinions on the course that I'm doing this semester, Critical Thinking reminds me of Ethics Class, Critical Reading is pretty similar to Grammar Class, Historical Linguistic is more or less like History of English, APK & TITAS are equal to Hubungan Etnik, while Speech Processing and Phonetics sounds like Intro to Linguistics. Basically, works and assignments piled up on our desk like crazy for the past few months and if you ask me, it sure is getting tougher. Of course, I do learn loads but I find that it doesn't sound as exciting as I thought it should be. The system here just don't work for me, I don't want to be just overwhelmed with loads of assignments with no creativity and freedom in expressing my view, but too bad local University are all dead stagnant sites sticking to its boring ways of passing knowledge. I'm still praying that things will be better next semester though, crossing my fingers.

You know what I'm going to do after this class? Ditch TITAS and head off to library to finish my Fact File cuz I know that I won't have the mood to do it tonight, probably will be heading to bed early again, or maybe yamcha with roommates. I'm looking forward for the weekend though, Genting, Domino and yea, I'm thinking of doing something with my hair. Probably cut it shorter or just curl it up :) Off to FB, adios!

Praat Sucks :/

The result for the Praat assignments that I’ve been worried about has finally come out and seriously speaking, it was nerve cracking the moment I keyed in my username and password to log into Spectrum. Damn it, to think that I had to go through loads of references for the assignment and still getting unsatisfactory slightly pass grade kills me, barbarically. Now I wonder, who should I blame for this? Me, myself for doing the last minute touchups, thinking that I need to first collect whole loads of references to read up or the fact that I didn’t update my work with the lecturer from time to time? The second class test was a horrid as well, now I’m seriously far from getting a secured A+ for the course and you know why I care so much? Simply because I have no confidence in this subject! Somebody please just give me a knock on my head and remind me to study really hard during study week please!!!! :s I want an “A”, so badly…. L

Father Lord, thanks for all the friends that you have blessed me with and because of the love that comes from them, I do feel that I’m special and loved. Whenever life seems hard, I try to recall all the beautiful things that you’ve granted in my life and I’ve always trusted that your grace is sufficient for me. I’m dedicating this to someone that means a lot to me and has pulled me through my dilemmas….Thanks for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to, thanks for accepting me for who I am and if you’re reading this, you know how much I care ^.<

:/

Ok, its 7.33 pm and I’m hungry but I decided that I want to rant a bit here before I get pissed and busy dating my assignments. It’s already week 13 and I’m still rushing assignments, preparing presentations and haven’t revised for tests and seriously, when is this ever going to end? This whole semester is so packed and if compared to last year, it’s just too overwhelming. I guess the bright side is, I’m done with 2 presentations and a test for this week and I’m totally off with Critical Thinking and Speech Processing class. I should be doing my essays and prepare for tomorrow’s two presentations plus Dr Toshiko’s Phonology class but guess what, I’m slacking off again. I’m tired of discipline or whatever crap and the weather these days are rubbing my moods away from my sensibility! Prom night is going to be this Friday and frankly, I’m not anticipating it. I’m more into the mood of going out to eat on Thursday. As I was lying on my bed this morning, I stared at my ceiling wondering where God is. I’ve always knew that He watches over me and routinely, I did my prayers but deep down, I know that I’m far away from Him. I was too busy admitting that I need to seriously consider slowing my paces and pray earnestly. I’ve been avoiding Him, as how I’ve avoided people that I care. I thought I should just move on, because life eventually leads you to new things, new people and new perceptions. I guess I just misses God a lot, it’s like there is this empty hole inside that cannot be filled by anything, or anyone. I have no intention of getting too emotional but I subconsciously been doing it a lot and there is this shadow that I don’t know belongs to whom that I cared, so much that it hurts.

Sanguine Me =D

The worst part of living your life as a walking zombie is that you don’t know what to do next, feeling bored of the repetitive routines, being indifferent towards changes around you, easily annoyed by those petty details that everyone’s talking about, easily affected by other’s emotional feelings and feeling sleepy all the time. Trust me, it’s not about my PMS or another chessy love story that ended up in despair.

Seriously, it feels like I can no longer experience anything interesting and none of these manage to ignite any sparks of interest in me towards anything around, like nothing I’m telling you! When was the last time I get excited over something new? When was the last time I raced with time excitingly to finish up a project? When was the last time I feel so overwhelmed for being able to achieve my goals? When was the last time I actually cried for something insignificant? When was the last time I argued with someone because of clashes in opinions? When was the last time when I’m grateful for being able to finish multi tasks in a short period of time and ended up in coma just to pay up my slept debt? And when was the time when I keep telling myself that “Jenn, the Lord wants you to live a victorious life so don’t give up..”?

I can’t imagine myself living my life this way, it wasn’t something that I had in mind before deciding to settle myself in this place. So far, I can’t seem to recall anything that I’ve done cool. I prayed a short prayer before going to bed yesterday night, asking God if he could make my life more interesting. I waited and I got bored, I was just too tired of thinking about how I’ll get upset if I don’t get what I want and the fact that I’m too far from him. I have to admit that I become more defensive and reserved here, unlike the old me who is willing to give shots to every opportunity available. I’m too proud to say that I don’t care, I’m too ignorant to admit that I have this unresolved problems and I’m too bored to be bothered about anything….except complaining.

And you know the next thing I did when I woke up in the morning? I typed in the word “Sanguine’ in my search engine and did some research the minute I remember someone was saying that I’m a Sanguine…which I thought it has something to do with penguin at first. Goodness I tell you, it totally matches my rhymes. And yes, I hereby officially announce to the world that I’m a proud Sanguine….who has a lot of catchy habitual weakness to look after and be reminded. I was kind of taken back and felt discouraged after skimming through the results. Well, all these while, I’ve been telling myself not to be over-dominating, bossy, controlling, always wanting to get hold of the whole thing and being dictatorial because you see, when you’re the eldest of the five in the family, you’ll naturally get the idea of wanting to put all the scattered pieces together and exert some authoritative forces to bind things in a way.

With all the pressures I had to bear from family’s expectations, people’s standards, and all those crap, I was trained to be someone who’s well adjusted to the flexible changes around, fearing nothing except for letting people down and I know, it’s sad and pathetic. Yet, the bright side of such circumstances were the fact that I was living my life the fullest, finding myself waking up in the morning, staring at the ceiling and telling myself that today’s going to be a big run for me and I have loads to do and of course, I was always in the mode of discovering my own potentials and trying to fix my weaknesses. That’s how extreme I can be when I get motivated. Here’s the reality, I don’t freaking feel like that anymore. When the hell am I going to get things fix and find back myself. For those who still doesn’t know what on earth is a Sanguine, check this out.

“Sanguine personality is affected by chemical called dopamine, which makes these people intensely curious and creative. Their curiosity can be expressed in their love for reading and different kinds of knowledge. They possess high amounts of energy, so they may seem restless and spontaneous. They are willing to take risks for the sake of pursuit of their numerous interests. These people feel bored if they are not absorbed by something intriguing. They crave for adventure and novelty. People with sanguine personality adapt easily and generally can play many roles. They are buoyant, lively and optimistic. They prefer to live in big cities where they can satisfy their craving for variety much easier. Sanguine people are very poor at tolerating boredom. Routine jobs, repetitive experiences, boring companions annoy and irritate them. They avoid routine and monotony at all costs. In fact they love interruptions, because they get energized during these small changes in course. These people are impulsive. They often can't control their cravings and may struggle with weight. More than any other type this temperament is more susceptible to smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling and risky sex. Their spontaneity reflects in last-minute plans and moments of intellectual discovery. Sanguine people are usually more creative than other type, be it poetry, music, theater, art, business or cooking. Sadly, they are also most susceptible to chemical imbalances, addictions and mood disorders. This personality type is characterized by curiosity and wide range of interests. These people are hungry for knowledge. Some of them arewalking encyclopedias, while some others visit almost every known country in the world. Manystay in school for long in order to learn and have several degrees. Dopamine activity promotesmotivation and goal-oriented behavior, as well as enthusiasm, focus, assertiveness, incentive and drive to achieve. However, often sanguine people are so busy with their numerous interests that they will procrastinate completing their tasks: they are just too busy to think about deadlines. These people are very autonomous and unconventional. They trust their impulses and take risks. Their motto is: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". They launch into projects that seem sure to fail and often win big.People with sanguine personality are extreme optimists. They make it their job to seek joy and find a way to be happy. They are sensation seekers that derive pleasure from highly arousing experiences. They "drink life".”

So you see, that pretty much describes me, except that I haven’t actually show the other side of me, which is the Choleric, High D side and normally, you don’t really want to get there because I can be really cruel and harsh. I got this whole information fromhttp://www.askwomennet.com/sanguine-personality.html by the way and in case you’re with me and you’re a Sanguine as well, I will totally suggest you to read another more detailed description of sanguine traits from http://www.a-z-dictionaries.com/blog/sanguine/. Seriously, just cut off the crap of debating whether personality traits are nurture or nature because trust me, when you’ve reached this age and still not so sure of your own personality traits, that rings a warning bell that you should get a new flashy mirror and start reflecting on yourself because it’s more interesting to discover your own personality mannerism instead of getting the idea of what kind of person you are from people screaming at you, lol. For your information, those highlighted italic bolded words are the traits that I once had, qualities that I took pride in but sadly, lost it by now. Those are not in italics? Well, I still have those so screw it. Damn, 2 hours in the library and I’m supposed to rush my assignments instead of…listening to music. I blame the following videos for their awesome-ness. I am truly in love with these.

- Hey Monday- Candles -

- Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts -

- Christina Aguilera- You lost Me -

- Bruno Mars- Talking to the Moon -

I’m leaving to Bukit Tinggi in less than 2 hours; I’m pretty excited to go, because I needed an escape from all the stresses, so badly that I can’t think of anything else to do. I skipped History of Linguistics class yesterday just to meet up with my dear ex-supervisor who has been emotionally distorted from life’s vicissitudes for the past months. So we accompanied him to shop and he bought quite loads, went to Sushi Zanmai to eat and ended up chit-chat plus enjoying our Baskin Robins at The Gardens. It kind of brought back all the memories we had back then, spending hours of time loitering, talking and sharing about just everything that has to do with life. What makes it different now is the fact we have all moved on, heading different directions, anticipating future possibilities and this time, being emo together. I don’t feel like crapping too much here but here are some photos:

- Saturday Service @ FCC -

-Sushi Zanmai 17/3/11-

- G.A.P -

- Baskin Robins -

XOXO

Panic! At the Disco

Panic at the disco is back! I’m not so much of their fan but their songs are pretty catchy, full of sarcasm and appear to be tracks that you would love to listen when your mind is all scrambled with emo-ness and needed an escape to the “never land”. They actually reminded me of the “Good Charlotte” which I have no freaking idea where they are now but I guess what makes them different is that fact that they inserted Baroque style in their videos. Gotta tell you that it’s awesome!! Brendon, the vocalist has got this random madness that can make you feel like the world is nothing much but an upside down joke. They kind of revealed quite some of the ugly truths in relationship that people tend to ignore and neglect, so I can’t help but to dig in the sarcasm behind the rhyme. They are so dramatic and still, Brendon is hotter than Robert Pattinson, lols.

- I write sins and not tragedies -

- Nine in the Afternoon –

- The Green Gentlemen –

- The Ballad of Mona Lisa –